Somewhere in Cincinnati, there’s a child who had a ticket to Monday’s Mets game courtesy of her father. Suddenly, inexplicably, she decided that she didn’t want to go. “You’re sure?” the father asked. “Yes, I’m sure” the child replied. With that, the ticket was gone.
Then, hours before the game was to start, the child changed her mind and wanted to go again. “I can’t take you” the father explained. “Your ticket is gone because you had changed your mind, and daddy had to sell the ticket through a third party broker because the economy is bad and daddy needs money to buy vegetables and Fruit Roll-Ups for you and your little brother. Do you want your brother to go without Fruit Roll-Ups?”
With that, the child cried her eyes out to the point where she was dry heaving and the father, wearing his Robinson Cancel jersey, reasoned to the child that she needed to learn a lesson about the consequences of her decisions.
On Monday night, as the Mets game dragged on into the 11th inning with no end in sight, the child was fast asleep in her bed, having wonderful dreams involving puppies and cotton candy. The father, meanwhile, was watching Manny Acosta’s offering to Laynce Nix elude Jeff Francoeur’s glove for a game-losing home run … all the while crying to the point of puking his three-way chili all over the person in front of him. Only he didn’t realize that the real reason he threw up was because his three-way chili was cooked with a blend of angel hair pasta, and Kelvim Escobar’s shoulder ligaments.
So the child, who got the better of the deal with the vegetables alone, has sweet dreams. And the father is wallowing in his own misery with a dash of chili sauce, while wiping a rotator cuff off his chin. Well it looks like some adults need to learn a lesson about the consequences of their decisions too … like eating three-way chili, owning a Robinson Cancel jersey, and buying Mets tickets in the first place.
(Editor’s note: This story is only based on truth. It has been enhanced for your entertainment. You really didn’t think anyone actually owned a Robinson Cancel jersey, did you?)