pelfrey green

The Secret To Mike’s Success

So let me get this straight, if Mike Pelfrey’s grip isn’t right, it’s all over. But if he’s sick, then magic happens. Okay. I’ll stand behind that. 

“I actually puked. But I think sometimes when you don’t feel so good you lower your expectations and you focus more on executing pitches.” -Mike Pelfrey

Yup, that was a quote from Mike Pelfrey after one of his better outings of the season.  Pelfrey only gave up one earned run in seven strong innings against the Diamondbacks on Friday while feeling ill for his first win of 2011 as the Mets beat Arizona 4-1.

Now, everything I’ve said above is true … except there’s one thing: That quote was actually from a victory against Pittsburgh, where he only gave up one earned run in eight innings … one of his better outings of the 2010 season.  While throwing up … in the bullpen after throwing … up in the bullpen.

Now here’s what Pelfrey said after Friday night:

“Sometimes when you don’t feel good, you try not to do too much.  You almost lower your expectations and say, ‘Hey, I’m going to go out here. And I’m going to grind. I’m going to make pitches.’ There wasn’t a whole lot of overthrowing. I think that allowed me to throw a lot of secondary pitches for strikes, which is huge.”

This after throwing up in the … sixth inning.

My lord! It’s so clear now. The Mets have to keep Mike Pelfrey … sick!  All season long!

It may be crazy, but it’s our only hope.

It’s going to involve some planning.  Poisoning his food on the road.  Dropping it on the floor at home.  Undercooking burgers all over the country.  Locking away gallons and gallons of Purell.  People close to Mike abandoning all habits of decorum and sneezing directly on their hands before shaking Mike’s hand before every start.  Mike Nickeas is going to have to play a huge part in betraying Pelfrey’s trust in this conspiracy.  It’s for his own good.  Mike Pelfrey must remain sick the whole season.  The Mets hopes of finishing .500 absolutely depends on it.

If nothing else, it would be a welcome change from the last few seasons being the backdrop of a sappy dramatic movie.  No, 2011 is going to be pure science fiction.  Stomach virus: the cure for secondary pitches.


About Metstradamus

I've been a Mets fan since 1976. The 1988 NLCS still bothers me infinitely more than it should. Keep reaching for the stars, and then get checked for a torn ligament.