If you’ve ever played that drinking game where you take a shot every time Pat Burrell kills the Mets, then you know what a serious situation alcohol poisoning can be. Well fear no more, young inebrianados … for Pat Burrell has decided to hang ’em up for good, and not a moment too soon as new found sobriety awaits you. The final tallies are such: Burrell played in 162 games against the Mets in his career, starting 151 of them. So in that full season, Burrell hit 42 HR’s, drove in 106, had an OPS of .876, and was indirectly partially responsible for the death of my soul.
I’d wax poetic about him, but my heart would barely be in it. So let me just say this: Hell represents different rooms for different people. For Pat Burrell, hell shall be a film room where they play his entire Tampa Bay Rays career on an endless loop. And it’ll be made into a movie titled: “Putting The Devil Back in Devil Rays” (available on DVD this December 21st) … because he’s demon spawn.
And make no mistake: Pat Burrell is going straight to hell. And he won’t even have the luxury of a chariot by handbasket.