Time For a New Managerial Sculpture

As you may or may not know, there are few things I enjoy more than bad things happening to the Miami Marlins. The latest bad thing to happen to them is a doozy, as they have fired manager Ozzie Guillen after one season. The Marlins, it is my pleasure to remind you, traded actual players for Guillen (they say it wasn’t a trade, technically … but come on) as they attempted to use Guillen to attract a Latin fan base to their new ballpark.

Gee, where have we seen that strategy before?

At least here in New York, the Latin ties were designed to help the Mets regain prominence, as most of the Latin players the Mets brought in to start with were actually good. It worked for a while, but proved fruitless in the end. The Marlins strategy in bringing in Guillen was to fill the seats by appealing to a latin fan base. Professing his love for Fidel Castro certainly did the trick.


It’s like a good friend of mine once said:

“Ozzie Guillen is definitely someone who will be remembered when his time is up in the game of baseball, but the question remains: What exactly is it that he will be remembered for and what exactly will people say when they remember him … ?”

Big mouth, managed a World Series champion, and was the manager for a raging dumpster fire so large, it even turned Heath Bell into the modern day Bobby Bonilla. That’s what I’ll remember. The lesson here: making your baseball decisions for the purpose of bringing in fans will not help you. But it’s something we should expect from what is probably the most poorly run operation in professional sports. But hey, if you really want to bring people to the ballpark, hire me to be your manager.

And who wouldn’t want to come to the park to see a blogger run a baseball team into the ground? I can do it for a lot less than $10 million, I guarantee you that. Listen, with the amount of managers the Marlins have fired, what manager with any experience would touch that job? This means it’s pretty much between me and this guy:

Hey, I once took a cruise out of Miami. I mean, as long as we’re comparing credentials. So there you go, Miami. This is your choice. Me or the ‘roid guy. Choose wisely.

Then again, Jerry Manuel is available. 


About Metstradamus

I've been a Mets fan since 1976. The 1988 NLCS still bothers me infinitely more than it should. Keep reaching for the stars, and then get checked for a torn ligament.