“That felt like a playoff game.” -Terry Collins after the Mets 7-3 win over Miami.
THAT felt like a playoff game?
Has Terry Collins gotten so deluded in reverse that a game against the Marlins with forty people in the stands felt like a playoff game? Three Metropolitan runs in an inning in Flushing for the first time since the All-Star break and he’s imagining bunting on the walls? The same game where the Marlins were kicking the ball all over the place, throwing away throws from shortstop to third base, forgetting how many outs there were (again, the shortstop), almost throwing away rundowns, misjudging fly balls, and employing Carlos Zambrano as a multi-million dollar mop-up man? That game? That’s the one that felt like a playoff game? The one where he benched Lucas Duda for not hustling on a pop-up? That was a playoff game to Terry Collins? Because benching guys for not busting it happens all the time in playoff games, right?
Since he was obviously not drawing on any experience that he had managing a playoff game in the major leagues, he was obviously high on something. And I f*cking want some!!! Anything to get me through the next week and a half so I can imagine that these useless games where everybody worth a damn is being shut down can feel like playoff games. And if Terry’s tripping out in Citi Field imagining playoff games, wait until he gets to Miami and plays out the string in that stadium to end the season. He’s going to have a trip so bad he’s going to imagine Tim Leary giving up a home run to Timothy Leary.
This must be what the playoffs feel like in hell.
You know, it was fun for three games. But now I’m getting a little bit concerned. Fourteen, eight, and another fourteen … and now sixteen? On no home runs? And the best Tiger pitcher was an outfielder? I knew the Mets had a chance to do some work against Rick Porcello and Phil Coke, but 30 runs?
There can be no other reasonable explanation for this other than somebody put acid in my Lucky Charms on Saturday morning. Because this cannot be really happening. This insanity has lasted for five days … or, four days longer than the Christian Ehrhoff Islander era. It can’t be real. Jason Bay is running around like a gazelle? Acid trip. Chris Capuano getting a win pitching so-so rather than pitching great and losing? Acid trip. Tim Byrdak comes in and gives up a home run after being called into a game with no warm-up? Well, Snoop Manuel would have done that last season if he had thought of it, but 2009 and 2010 was a different kind of drug trip. You know how I know it can’t be real? After Tiger outfielder Don Kelly got Scott Hairston to fly out, Omar Minaya immediately signed Kelly to a three-year, $36 million contract. We all know that would never happen. Omar would never sign anybody to a ridiculous contract on a sample size smaller than one season. Never.
Terry Collins could put a turtle from JFK in the clean-up spot and score 16 runs. Oh wait, Ronny Paulino? He did put a turtle clean-up. Amazing. Now that Fernando Martinez is up for Willie Harris, maybe Fernando can bat clean-up and get four hits. Why not, everyone else is. And if that happens, against Justin Verlander no less, I know I’m on acid … or maybe something stronger. And when I crash, I’m going to crash hard.
The colors eminating from the scoreboard lights every time the Mets score another run are pretty.