Marlon Byrd

Dollar Menu

It's almost as if … when the fans charged the gates of Citi Field screaming for an outfielder, screaming specifically for Michael Bourn … the Wilpons thought "Okay, think. You can do this. You got your lunch for a dollar at McDonald's." And then …

Marlon Byrd. And coincidentally, McDonald's is where Sandy Alderson took him to dinner. Two for one Filet-O-Fish sandwiches always seals the deal. Bada bap bap baaaaaa.

Byrd has been cordially invited to spring training as a member of the New York Mets on a minor league deal. Byrd, who is merely Gary Matthews Jr. with a suspension, was good at one point but now he's a 35-year-old who will switch between the roles of generic roster filler and best Mets outfield option, depending on what side of the bed you wake up on that day. Byrd has been hyped as a 2010 All-Star, which is kind of like choosing Jeff Gordon's replacement from a pool of New York City cab drivers.

But now that the Mets have their outfielder (sigh), they can go back to stockpiling frightening relievers. And in addition to considering a reunion with Frankie Rodriguez, the Mets are considering bringing in Papa Coronary, Jose Valverde. Papa Coronary and Frangag Frantsisk in the same bullpen should lead to some fun on and off the field. There might be a home run hit off of Francisco as he merely hands the ball to Valverde.

Off the field?

Let's just say that Little Jerry shouldn't even think about a visit back home.

Contrary to all the players that you like to slap the devil's label of "low risk/high reward" on, Valverde seems to be an easy fix, and could actually fit the round hole that some of you try to jam a square peg in. (Although if you give somebody the ninth inning, it's by very definition higher than "low-risk".) As detailed by Mitch Williams of MLB Network, Valverde held his hands up by his chest in the set position when he was phenomenal in 2011, and held it down at the belt when he was a gas can last season. Of course, who knows if Mitch Williams' diagnosis is correct, or whether it was just one of Darren Daulton's hallucinations. But if Dan Warthen is smart enough to fix this, the Mets could really have something if they decide to sign him. Now, do you think Warthen is smart enough to fix Papa Coronary? Is Mitch Williams smart enough to fix Valverde? Are the Mets smart enough to not have Frantsisk near the ninth inning?

Think. You can do this. You signed Marlon Byrd for the cost of a quarter pounder.


About metstradamus

I've been a Mets fan since 1976. The 1988 NLCS still bothers me infinitely more than it should. I also write about hockey for Puck Drunk Love. I've also been referred to as "Mr. Testosterone", and "this clown". We'll always have 2015.