I'll be completely honest with you. I was at the Rangers game tonight. I don't have quite as good a record as Matt Harvey does at Ranger games, but it was a very workmanlike performance by me as the Rangers tied up their series against the Caps 4-3.
(And by workmanlike performance, I mean … I did nothing to help.)
And I really had the best of intentions to come home, as late an hour as it was, and watch the Mets/White Sox game through my mlb.tv account, so I can give an honest account of what happened. I've given up on trying not to see the score of the game and telling everybody whose paths I cross "don't tell me the score don't tell me the score, I want to be surprised." I mean, do people still do that? Especially if they're at another sporting event where there are televisions everywhere. And Twitter! My lord, the Twitter! So I check out the score at various points, through various outlets.
The first thing I see while I was able to sneak a peek at the SNY feed was this:
Alejandro de Aza: 3 for 3, HR
Really? Not enough the Mets get taken to the woodshed by the Miami Marlins, they're going to get milked by former Florida Marlins? Is that the way this season is going to go?
Then, while checking out my phone app, I see the following under "scoring plays":
Top of 3rd (Ball: 3 Strike: 1 Out: 1)
Conor Gillaspie doubles (4) on a pop up to shortstop Ruben Tejada. Alexei Ramirez scores. Alex Rios scores. Jeremy Hefner pitching.
A two run double on a pop-up to shortstop? Do I really want to watch this game?
(I can only assume that's what this fresh hell was):
Then I check my twitter feed and I see this:
Justin Turner is playing left field for the first time in the majors. Collins had said Turner would eventually play in the outfield.
— Jorge Castillo (@jorgeccastillo) May 9, 2013
I turn my back for a second and go to one damn playoff game, and Justin Turner is in the outfield? Is that where the Lucky Charms are? The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Fresh whipped cream?
Then I catch some highlights as I'm picking up a late night snack and I see this:
And that's when I decided, I'm not throwing away three hours of my life to watch what I know is going to make stupider than the woman who was arrested for DUI because she was out celebrating getting her driver's license back after her first DUI. I'm going to need those brain cells for the next loss … which probably comes on Friday because Matt Harvey isn't pitching. The Mets are now 7-16 in games that Harvey watches, in stark contrast to the Rangers' 6-0 record when he watches them. So just send Harvey to Washington for Game 5. If he can't help the Mets, let him help somebody who can use it.
Two run double on a pop-up to short. Dammit all to hell.