Brian Wilson

The C.E.O. Of A Dangerous Mind

A study came out recently which pointed out the top ten professions most likely to attract psychopaths. Right at the top: C.E.O. Nowhere to be found on that top ten list: baseball players. Aside from your garden variety lefthanders, there aren't a lot of baseball players who you would think of as having psychotic tendencies.

Brian Wilson is that player. Just look at him. Between his foray into black ops, his S&M friends that make "appearances", playing the organ on teammate's heads (during which he's wearing nail polish for no good reason), and his beard which is probably harboring fugitives from justice, what other conclusion can you draw except that he's insane? Oh and hey, guess what? He's working out for the Mets in the hopes of returning from Tommy John surgery which led to his non-tender from the Giants. I ask you, do we really need a psycho on the Mets?

The answer is sure. Why the hell not? First off, the entertainment value alone dictates you bring this man in. With the outfield that the Mets don't have, something has to entertain Met fans. Why not Wilson? Sure, he probably won't make it into a lot of games, but maybe he'll play a real organ in the bullpen, or bring chalupas to the fans in center field. Or maybe he'll paint his beard red and have Andy Martino wonder if there is a hidden meaning in that which says that he would rather play for the Phillies.

Also, did you see Frank Francisco pitch last season? Wilson's beard clippings from the last time he shaved would be more useful than Frangag. Wilson is, at the very least, a closer … albeit a psychotic one. Francisco is a reliever posing as a closer. So why not bring in Wilson to fill the role he's accustomed to. You know what they say: Two halfway healthy relievers are better than one.

The Mets need help in the bullpen, and Wilson can probably be had cheap … especially after Sandy Alderson plays his Jedi mind tricks on him and convinces him to sign a Madoff friendly minor league deal with his brainwaves (the same brainwaves he used to get Zack Wheeler and Travis d'Arnaud.) And at least Wilson isn't as far removed from his last useful season as a guy like Grady Sizemore is. I'm not going to use that term that I hate in its original capacity. But I would think that with the needs on this team so great, there could be a "high reward" had by signing Brian Wilson. Of course, I wouldn't say he's necessarily "low-risk" … seeing that he's a psychopath and all. There's nothing low-risk about that.

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Metstradamus

About Metstradamus

I've been a Mets fan since 1976. The 1988 NLCS still bothers me infinitely more than it should. Keep reaching for the stars, and then get checked for a torn ligament.

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